My Biggest Zit Ever!

I guess I'll spare you the pustulant details.

~A

Kafka in Brooklyn

It is certainly too easy to raise the specter of Kafka in my own fairly humble activities. Especially since I have never read the novels that gave rise to the use of this term for any experience with a circular labyrinthine bereaucracy. But I will relate my experiences and you can decide.

I lost my passport sometime last fall. My driver's license is expired. I let it expire because I don't have a car and the license was from Massachusetts. The process of getting a NY state license is the same whether my out of state license is current or expired (at least for a year). I don't have a ssn card and I have never possessed my birth certificate (and my mother can't put her hands on it either). I ordered a new birth certificate but then lost it (I actually suspect it is in the same place as my passport as I'm pretty sure the two were together. Of course, they might be together in the garbage dump now). I got a new birth certificate last month (and they cost about $40 each). I need an ssn card to get a driver's license since this will be my first NY state one. I can't get an ssn card because I have no valid photo id, and since I am unemployed neither do I have a valid health insurance card, life insurance policy, employee id. Or a passport of course. All of these would be acceptable proofs of identity (while the birth certificate provides proof of citizenship, a passport is the only id that does both). I can't get a passport yet because they take possession of your birth certificate for two to six weeks (depends if you get it expedited). Expedition costs nearly $200. I need my birth certificate and license(and apparently my invalid license will work for this) to prove to my new place of employment I can work I start Monday).

The ssn website said I could get a new card at my local office (on Havemayer right where you come off the Williamsburg Bridge). I took the half hour walk down there and there was a sign on the door saying they had moved to North Ninth St. I took the half hour walk back north and there was a sign on the wall saying that to get a new ssn card you had to go to the central office in downtown Brooklyn. I asked how long that rule had been in effect and was told about 4 years. When I mentioned that it contradicted what the website told me she just laughed.

I went to the downtown Brooklyn office and was turned away because I had my pocketknife on me and they have airport security there. I went back the next day and then found out I didn't have requisite ID. I don't know if my invalid license is good enough proof of identity to obtain my passport (the forms are unclear on this point). At least with the passport you can bring a friend, have him provide id and sign a legal document attesting to your identity. And all this is now done at the post office, which only increases the enjoyment. At least with the SSN office I found all the staff to be efficient, competent and polite. Post offices can't boast the same qualities.


So what is the solution? Start the new job, use the employee id to get a ssn card, apply for a passport now that I don't need to keep my birth certificate on hand and there won't be any hurry so I will only have to pay $100-$150 and wait the normal six weeks. Use the ssn card and my MA. license to get a NY state license. Hope I never lose any one of these items again.

In the midst of running around doing these things I watched the movie Das Boot for the first time since 1981 (I saw it in the theaters when I was 10). After all the crew struggle through to stay alive, they are met with the ironic fate of getting killed the moment they get home and step off their submarine. It made me fear that the moment I finish all these activities and get the ids something awful will happen.

We'll have to wait and see.

~A

Where have I been anyway?

The short answer is: I'm not sure.

I suspected that my interest in keeping up a blog might be short lived, yet I can't say why the interest failed me at that specific point, late January, or why, now, I am moved to write a post. It's a question to ponder for a while and then toss aside without any answer.

Last night I attended the Williamsburg Spelling Bee for the first time since the previous finals last October. This was the last chance to gain a place in the spring finals in two weeks. Fortunately, I came in third thus ensuring a spot. In addition to winning a free sandwich they were also giving out free passes to the Brooklyn Museum and an invention named the "Asshole" that's currently being sold at retailers like Urban Outfitters. That makes sense as the Asshole fits in perfectly with Urban Outfitters' product assortment tailored to college aged bachelor pad and louche living. Briefly, the Asshole is a flattened funnel shaped to be easily affixed to a beer bottle and meant to turn said bottle into a more convenient ashtray. So the item is not without it's personal utility. The free sandwich I shall make use of tomorrow at the weekly quiz.

But you might ask what else have I been up to over the last three months (nearly)? Various things. Mainly I have been unemployed since NYU saw fit to relieve me of my position while they could still do so without cause. And to be sure, they did not present a cause except to lamely suggest that I was overqualified. I was told I was not a good fit for the position. Many people have tried to comfort me (and at the time I needed plenty of consolation) by telling me that such an event will prove to be "for the best". Yet I cannot see how. Life takes this path or that and we will always be inclined to view those paths in retrospect as better, or right, or somehow built by necessity to ensure a certain outcome. This is all to Panglossian for me. I do not resent the advice (I try not to at least), since I deeply respect the spirit from which the advice is given. And like I said, I relied heavily on the comfort of friends.

The day after I was fired I had my wisdom teeth removed . Even after two months, this appears to me as yet one more piece of evidence that there really is a God. There must be since this kind of cosmic humor is obviously constructed for an audience. The week after the dental procedure I spent time with my family down in Florida which was very much a pleasant distraction and enjoyable.

Besides these activities I decided it was the appropriate moment to regrow my beard and to cut my hair short. I have been complimented a suprising number of times on this new style, though it does not seem to me to be extremely different in effect or of any particular note. I resumed smoking as well, something I can hardly afford economically at the moment. And something I should not afford physically. It doesn't surprise me that in such a moment of emotional stress I sought whatever physical comfort at hand. I resumed drinking more too though not to the frequency I attained at Yale.

On a positive note, my consultation work at Columbia began the week after I returned from Florida. This was fortuitous to the extreme and has provided income to tide me through my unemployment. The flip side is that the Columbia income was planned to fund my tax bills which are sizable (that's an understatement). Needless to say, my personal finances, which had been rationalized recently to the extent I could claim to finally have them under control, have fallen apart. Not so seriously that I have been losing sleep, but it is disheartening to take such a step backward.

But I am no longer unemployed, having secured a two-year position as a processing archivist at an esteemed cultural institution. It is not an ideal position for me, as it carries no broad responsibilities, supervisory or management tasks, or real skill growth. But it is a step forward in income, and that is especially important at the moment. I fear that it will be isolating, and even dull; I will begin to find out next week.

Meanwhile, of course, the seasons have been progressing and the onrush of spring has buoyed my days of tedium and inactivity. There is hope yet in the world, and room for progress, though my cat has been having trouble shitting again.

There is a line that comes to mind at the moment. In Madame Bovary, Flaubert describes the conflicting desires of Emma thusly :"She wanted to die, and she wanted to live in Paris" At least this is how I remember the quote. I suppose the irreconcilibility of the two desires is meant to illustrate Emma's basic foolishness and dependence on whim more than will. I haven't read the book in awhile so I can't be sure.

But there was an instant last Decemeber when I changed my mind slightly about this quote. I was on an el train in Chicago, passing through a rough neighborhood in a dreary winter gloaming. My mood was equally grim and there was an instant when I felt those same two desires pass through me simultaneously. I don't know the right way to understand this. And this question seems more important to answer rightly than why or why not I am posting on this blog.

But in my next post, I will detail my fascinating adventures with the social Security Administration! Stay tuned.

~A