Kafka in Brooklyn

It is certainly too easy to raise the specter of Kafka in my own fairly humble activities. Especially since I have never read the novels that gave rise to the use of this term for any experience with a circular labyrinthine bereaucracy. But I will relate my experiences and you can decide.

I lost my passport sometime last fall. My driver's license is expired. I let it expire because I don't have a car and the license was from Massachusetts. The process of getting a NY state license is the same whether my out of state license is current or expired (at least for a year). I don't have a ssn card and I have never possessed my birth certificate (and my mother can't put her hands on it either). I ordered a new birth certificate but then lost it (I actually suspect it is in the same place as my passport as I'm pretty sure the two were together. Of course, they might be together in the garbage dump now). I got a new birth certificate last month (and they cost about $40 each). I need an ssn card to get a driver's license since this will be my first NY state one. I can't get an ssn card because I have no valid photo id, and since I am unemployed neither do I have a valid health insurance card, life insurance policy, employee id. Or a passport of course. All of these would be acceptable proofs of identity (while the birth certificate provides proof of citizenship, a passport is the only id that does both). I can't get a passport yet because they take possession of your birth certificate for two to six weeks (depends if you get it expedited). Expedition costs nearly $200. I need my birth certificate and license(and apparently my invalid license will work for this) to prove to my new place of employment I can work I start Monday).

The ssn website said I could get a new card at my local office (on Havemayer right where you come off the Williamsburg Bridge). I took the half hour walk down there and there was a sign on the door saying they had moved to North Ninth St. I took the half hour walk back north and there was a sign on the wall saying that to get a new ssn card you had to go to the central office in downtown Brooklyn. I asked how long that rule had been in effect and was told about 4 years. When I mentioned that it contradicted what the website told me she just laughed.

I went to the downtown Brooklyn office and was turned away because I had my pocketknife on me and they have airport security there. I went back the next day and then found out I didn't have requisite ID. I don't know if my invalid license is good enough proof of identity to obtain my passport (the forms are unclear on this point). At least with the passport you can bring a friend, have him provide id and sign a legal document attesting to your identity. And all this is now done at the post office, which only increases the enjoyment. At least with the SSN office I found all the staff to be efficient, competent and polite. Post offices can't boast the same qualities.


So what is the solution? Start the new job, use the employee id to get a ssn card, apply for a passport now that I don't need to keep my birth certificate on hand and there won't be any hurry so I will only have to pay $100-$150 and wait the normal six weeks. Use the ssn card and my MA. license to get a NY state license. Hope I never lose any one of these items again.

In the midst of running around doing these things I watched the movie Das Boot for the first time since 1981 (I saw it in the theaters when I was 10). After all the crew struggle through to stay alive, they are met with the ironic fate of getting killed the moment they get home and step off their submarine. It made me fear that the moment I finish all these activities and get the ids something awful will happen.

We'll have to wait and see.

~A