Strange naming conventions

'Precious Doe' is Identified

Yes its true. Four years after finding the beheaded corpse. When asked how they came up with the name, it was revealed that headless corpses of infants are always named Precious; which they are, really. Whereas if the corpse was only slightly mutilated, it would have been named "Angel Doe". If the corpse exhibited signs of bludgeoning, the appropriate designation is "Play Doe". If signs of cannibalism are present, "Cookie Doe" is the relevant moniker. Other titles given to such discoveries are, depending on the particular injury: "Lefty" Doe (amputation), "Mat" Doe (crushing), Doe "Berman" (dog attack), "Bob" Doe (drowning).

Remember, no name is too saccharine when it comes to publicly proclaiming our love of a dead body.

~A