The sex life of satellites.....

NASA ponders shuttle protrusion

NASA scientists are concerned that the appearance of a new protuberance might endanger the shuttle and its crew upon reentry, but there is even greater speculation on the exact cause or meaning of this sudden, strange growth. "We're not sure at the moment, but consensus is growing that this might be some type of sexual excitement" said flight engineer Jack "Solid Fuel" Stuart. "Really, the shuttle program has been active for nearly twenty years and in development longer than that, yet there is still so much we don't know about these strange creatures. Malfunctioning redundant fuel gauges, inexplicable shedding of insulation, and the exact method of copulation and reproduction--all these things remain to be answered." Flight director John "Low Orbit" Benson surmised that, typical of very large mammals, shuttles may have extremely long cycles of ovulation and fertility, leading to great gaps of time where no sexual activity can be observed. "It's possible that this is merely the first time the mating ritual has come about in our decades of working with the orbiter. It's also possible that our shuttle fleet is all males and that they have never been around space vehicles of the opposite gender. Or perhaps we just never played the right music."

Further supporting this theory is the strange movements Discovery engaged in on approach to the ISS, or International Space Station. For the first time the shuttle was seen to roll over, twist around, and expose its underbelly to the ISS in an obvious flamboyant display of courtship. Discovery commander Eileen "Damfino" Collins was quoted as saying "there was no doubt that Discovery was making overtures to the ISS, I mean, the sexual tension was palpable. Additionally, both crews of the ISS and the Discovery reported growing tremors in the structural members of both vehicles, excitement was definitely building." Strong feral odors were also noted though these could be ascribed to the relative incidence of showers and bathing among the crews in space.

The Discovery is currently scheduled to remain in space for ten more days though NASA officials are prepared to wait either for the consumation of the relationship or any decrease in tumescence.



~A