More news....

Crack found on shuttle's fuel tank

In a serious setback for the NASA administration and for America's future in space, the discovery of illegal narcotics on the fuel tank cast doubt on the shuttle's ability to fly unimpaired and on NASA's drug enforcement policy. Public Affairs Officer George Diller stated yesterday that "NASA has a zero tolerance policy for alcohol and narcotics among all it's staff, scientists, pilots and orbital vehicles. Any violation is treated with the utmost seriousness and will take all apropriate measures after our investigation is complete." The fuel tank, unavailable for comment, is reported to have left the launchpad before dawn and is said to have checked in to a local medical clinic for rehabilitation. This is not the first drug scandal to rock NASA. Reader's may recall the discovery of rampant heroin use among the Gemini astronauts, apparently fuelling their "space cowboy" exploits. Chronic alcoholism is also rumored to be the cause of Spacelab's deteriorating orbit and eventual crash.


Elsewhere in space,

Large asteroid makes pass at Earth

Our home planet apparently gave the planetoid interloper the cold shoulder but the incident is raising the question of whether "Mother" Earth is back on the dating market after billions of years of singledom. None of the orbs involved could be reached (or necessarily even make a) comment. Astronomers at Lawrence Livermore labarotory commented "As we all know, space is a cold, lonely place. It's not surprising that a planet might seek a little something to warm up their dark side." "We all know that the moon is a cold dusty place with no atmosphere to speak of anyhow, why shouldn't Earth look farther afield." There are reports also that a profile for an individual resembling Earth was found on MySpace.com, but at the time of this writing the page had been removed. A spokesman for the website said the page was taken down for receiving too many hits from trolling comets, meteors, and other space depris.