My latest CL post

I have no idea at all where I was going with this or who may respond. I seriously doubt anyone will.

I'm good at relationships...--33

I've been practicing. Here I'll show you:

Fat? You're not fat. You're beautiful...and not fat; did I say that already?. Gained weight? I haven't noticed anything. Are you sure? You must be hiding it. You look the same to me as you did when you were eighteen, only more beautiful...if that's possible. Of course it's possible, what am I saying! You know how much I like however much of you there is to like, the more the merrier. I don't care if you've gained weight. But you haven't gained weight. Hey, can I have your ice cream?

The dress? It's a great dress. Chartreuse is my favorite color...when it's on you. But you said you liked the chartreuse! Don't try on the blue, you liked the chartreuse. I think the blue is great. Blue is a great color. Blue on you looks better than blue on anybody else, better than blue on me. You should take all my blue clothes, I mean it. Wait, don't try the chartreuse on again. Of course I like the chartreuse. I've never said anything bad about chartreuse. If I did it would get offended and turn mauve. Much better than the blue...why, do you like the blue? And you haven't gained weight.

You have nothing in your teeth. I mean it. No. Well wait. Okay, maybe there's something there. No, I can hardly see it. It's not obvious, I had to look really close and only after you pointed it out. No one's staring at it. If people were going to stare at you why would they stare at a thing in your teeth that's hardly there? No, there's nothing else they would stare at either. What would they stare at? Your nose? I didn't meant that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your nose. I don't know what's in your teeth, a piece of lettuce? Maybe it's a stain. No not there, that's your gum. On the left. No, no, no, my left. Okay, maybe it is your left. There, you got it. What? Really, you got it, it's not there anymore. You don't trust me? You got it.

The chicken? It's great, I love chicken. It's cooked just right, a little pink on the inside, a little crispy on the outside. No, not too pink, just a little. No, that's good in chicken. What? I'm not afraid of salmonella, are you? I said I loved it. Well it's a little black, I mean you put it in a pan and turned on the heat right? A little blackness comes with the territory. I said I liked it alright? No I don't feel sick, do you feel sick? It can't be the chicken, it's perfect. Maybe it's the peas. I think the peas are fine! You did a good job on the peas. I just think, well, maybe peas can make you sick easier than chicken. I like peas. I'm not saying I don't like peas. Look! I ate my peas. No, I'm not hiding them under my chicken. I ate my chicken, where could I hide them? If you're going to be like this then I 'm sorry you made the chicken too....and the peas. But I liked the chicken...I liked the peas too! What did I say?

See? I've got this relationship thing down pat.

Send a pic and let's talk. Unless you found this really offensive; then you can send me a rant. I look forward to it.

~A

PS. Please tell me if I am insane.

Edit: I first posted this accidentally to Women Seeking Men. And I got a bunch of reponses! That scares me.