Let's all laugh for that woodpecker bird

Let me know if you know that song...

Ivory-billed woodpecker not extinct (just depressed)

Scientists report sightings of bird in Arkansas, release music video

"[The scientists] said that observers heard drumming sounds that are consistent with those made by the bird."

Let's all laugh so it can be heard......

criminals are never as smart as they think

First a few days ago there was this story:

Friends claim they found treasure buried in back yard

Today there is this story:

Men who claimed to find buried treasure arrested

Turns out the buried treasure was from a house they were re-roofing.

We should've known. How? Its in Methuen, MA for God's sake.

No, of course Fred hasn't replied.

After all, I'm really not that cute.

Can you tell I have time on my hands?

I posted this to CL tonight:

A-I'm sorry I left you

It was the stupidest decision I ever made. I've regretted it every day of the last eight months. I don't know what made.....wait a minute. That's not how it happened. Now that I think of it, you left me. Yeah. That's right. You walked out. What did I do to deserve that? What the fuck could ever have deserved that. You Bitch! I will hate you forever!!

Sometimes I get confused, but its just a break from being mad.


And it got a response. I love this!:


Re: A-I'm sorry I left you - w4m - 25

K - is that you? If it is, I am sorry. I have tried to tell you that a million times. I wasn't ready, didn't realize, had no clue.
I am a bitch I guess. Sorry.


~A
I will forever love playing games with the public mind

CL post of the day

I really like this one. Do you think it will get me chicks?

I'll give you the world

Matter fact I just did. There, its yours. Your apartment? Stop paying rent. Its your apartment now. I'll have a few words with the landlord. He'll understand. Actually, since its your world now, he should be paying you rent. Be patient, that'll take awhile. You want a car? What, a Mini? a Hummer? Go find one. Its yours. Sure, the "owner" might disagree. But that's because word hasn't gone around yet. The world was mine. I gave it to you. Everyone else is just catching up to that fact. The subway? Sorry, you'll still have to pay. Its yours, of course, but the paperwork is a nightmare. Same thing with the bridges and tunnels. What can you do? Its the government. You own them now, maybe you can do something about it.

So remember. Don't be sad. The sidewalk? Yours. The trees? Yours. Blue sky? Yours. The sun? That might belong to God, I have to check the fine print. Rain, wind, and bluebirds? All yours.

Why?

Because you deserve all of it.

Email me if you need clarification.

CL post gets response

Turns out Fred was female. Yowie!

~A

news headlines

Superpowers to Aid Government!

Bush Unveils Energy Vision

Jefferson Memorial, Washington Monument destroyed

~A

Here's a line

I actually wrote a post that's too sappy for me to want to reprint and save. Go look for it and see if you can find it; it was about my ex-wife. One line, though, was good enough that someone wrote me just to compliment me on it. Here's the line:

"You know how, in Israel, sometimes suicide bombers come in pairs, so that the second one will detonate after the emergency workers and police have arrived?

That's what it felt like when you told me you were dating my friend."

I'm not sure its that good. But with that line and the message's overall narcissistic comparison of love and terrorism, I'm waiting for the hate mail. I'll be disappointed if I don't get any.

~A

Can you tell I should be working?

Here's yet another CL post. I think its really sappy and I couldn't seem to get the pronouns consistent (we, you, the other...). But it seemed like a coherent paragraph to write, a voice, a style. I like anything that seems to hold together well. I definitely think that, if anyone will respond, it will be the hopeless romantics with poor self images. But is that really me? Sometimes, I suppose. Only sometimes. The thing about these posts is that I'm not sure any of them are accurate, even in part. I don't know how to put myself down on paper. How can anyone do that? But that's why it's fun, not to try for that goal, but to intentionally disregard it.


Let's pretend we're in love.

Let's make out on the couch like we're teenagers and believe its forever. Let's hold hands in the rain and convince ourselves its the first time its ever happened. Let's get under the covers fully dressed because we're too shy to go all the way; let's try to stay awake, but accidentally fall asleep then wake up sheepish, having to rush home. Let's be each other's first time and not really enjoy it because we're so sweetly concerned about not hurting the other person. Then we can look in the mirror the next day and swear its written on our face; anxious to try again. Let's make mixed tapes for each other, and call each other 10 times a day, and see each other in every little thing, as if the other were the whole world.
This has never happened to me. Is it too late?

~A

I must have done something right

My post to Craigslist about being cute. It got a response. From a guy. I may need to rework it or change the wording or something.

The response:

I'm totally cute.

My computer is on the fritz right now, so I can't attach a pic [totally fake move by the way--ed.], but I wanted to tell you... your post totally made me laugh... ok, more like a giggle. Which, in actuality, is totally cuter anyway. And rest assured my friend, not only am I cute, but a closet guffaw-er AND a fellow redhead.

Fred

What I wrote him back:

Now Fred, don't get me wrong here, but aren't you in the wrong forum? I mean, I am looking for a women. Or is "Fred" just an anonymous code name? Maybe I'm actually a girl (call me Gina). Maybe this is all an example of that reverse, reverse, psychology. Maybe I'm going crazy. Crazy is definitely cute.

~A

Or was that too flirty?

my new Craigslist personal

Here it is:

I'm cute; are you cute?

Let's be cute together. Isn't being a cute couple fun? Sure there are other benefits. For instance, let it be a mystery that, despite our cuteness, we're actually a pair of scheming geniuses. Or that at home we drop the whole cuteness shtick and act like normal people: bickering, doing laundry, picking our noses when we think the other person isn't looking. Let the cuteness hide our ambitions and anxieties in life so that we appear carefree. Can you be cynical or sarcastic and still be cute? It'll be our secret.

Of course we'll have to lie about meeting on Craigslist. We'll have to say we met cute.

Email me with a pic; tell me what makes you cute (it's not all about looks)


Feedback appreciated

~A

a Craigslist response

Finally I got an interesting post to one of Craigslist ads. This is the post:

People are dumb
Don't you agree? I mean, I'm not dumb; I'm sure you're not either. Most (not all) of my friends are pretty smart too. So why does it seem so hard to find smart people? I don't need you to rattle off PI to the 1000th digit or anything, or give me a discourse on macroeconomics; I just want someone who has a little more than usual rattling around inside their noodle. And I meet lots of people who, by virtue of their education, their employment record, etc. must be smart, yet when you socialize with them they're content talking about their favorite Seinfeld episode as if it was the latest thing. Doesn't this aggravate you?
So lets solve this problem. Let's get together and form our own little smart club and we won't have to talk to those people ever again. Who needs them anyhow! And that goes for the popular and pretty people too. Although I'm sure you're pretty and popular, and smart. I wouldn't want to imply otherwise.
Let's chat

And this is the response:

go away seth



What's interesting is that I know who she is although she doesn't know who I am. I mean, I don't know her, but I figured something out. Most people use the same email for craigslist that they use for other personal activities such as creating profiles at friendster and myspace. Once someone sends me a response I can search on that email at those locations. If they have a profile, I can find out more about them then they might otherwise reveal in their letter. Is this sneaky? Yes. Is it wrong or inethical? I don't think so though I;m sure some people would take offense at it. Of course, you can find my email on this page and do the same thing to me. Go ahead, try it. Let me know how it works out.

~A

NEW POPE INSTALLED

See the article here.

A couple of things to remember about this installation: This is a beta test only; the full release of Benedict XVI.01 (code name White Hat) is due out in June. This Pope will not work on Mac or Linux platforms (they are the work of the Devil), WindowsXP or later only. For full installation, you must deactivate you liberation theology settings (see Control Panel).

This is not open source, are you heretical or something?

Another posting to Craig's list

So I've reposted some of the ads noted in last weeks post. But here's a new one. To let you know, while I've received some responses, none were intriguiong enough to follow through on, though I had a respectable phone conversation with one correspondent.

10 Reasons I'm worth getting to know

Not in order of importance:

1) I have red hair; we all know that's special

2) I can sing the theme song to Mighty Mouse as well as significant portions of Sinatra's oeuvre and choice selections of America's Broadway past; will perform on command, preferably in or around a shower

3) I will never be prettier than you or a snappier dresser; I wouldn't want to steal your spotlight

4) My chosen profession is more noble than well-paying (librarian)

5) I do dishes; and bathrooms

6) You can beat me at Scrabble (I will beat you at Boggle)

7) I am not an intellectual snob

8) I will take you seriously, even when laughing; I won't take myself seriously

9) My cat will like you

10) I'm a cheap date

11) While one night stands are fun, I'm always more interested in a good laugh and deep conversation

12) all the other reasons I can;t think of right now.

Let me know. Send me a picture and I'll send you one of my cat; and me too.


Again, criticism is welcome

~A

Jesus is in my pants!!!

For those just becoming acquainted with me, let me explain that I find news headlines intractably hilarious. Many of my posts will be relating this humor.

Today on CNN.com:

Faithful see Virgin Mary in underpass stain

I think I should examine my dirty laundry more closely. I mean, I've always been told that God is everywhere, but I guess I've never taken it to heart.

People are stupid, but wait, so are animals

Y'know, those salt of the earth poor nomadic peoples are just so close to nature. I mean, its like they really understand the animal world, as evidenced in this quote:

"Reindeer do not normally run off cliffs when they are grazing on the top of the mountain,"

Just think of the centuries of lore and practice that lead to such insight.

(I've heard though, that its the grass closest to the edge which tastes best.)

Read the article here

I am live!

Due to the lack of discouragement from friends, I have decided to plough ahead with the blog. That is, I mean, if I can actually come up with the content on a regular basis.

Wish me luck, or tell me to burn in hell.

~A

My public dating history:

Here are a few messages that I have posted to Craig's List recntly in their personals section. I know that this is a futile cause. Not only is there an absurd amount of postings that guarantees that any single post will be lost, but the quantity also guarantees the practical impossibility of writing such a unique post that any reasonable amount of people will notice it and feel inclined to respond. Nonetheless, these limitations produce a somewhat freeeing effect. I mean, if noone is going to respond, then I can do whatever I like.

Nonetheless, I would be interested in feedback to the various listings. Particularly, I am interested in knowing whether any stand out as "better quality" than others, whether any seem written to attract the "wrong" sort of people or how I might improve any of them. For whatever reason, I have absolutely no compunction in publicizing my use of Craigslist or of repeating the postings here. If I get any good responses I will consider posting them as well.

Don't be Normal
I try to be normal, but I'm not sure it always works. Normality is such a strange thing to negotiate, especially when the inside of my skull feels inhabited by an alien whose tentacles might shoot out of my eyes at any second....
See? Normality is hard, it takes work, it doesn't always seem to add up in the cost/benefit analysis. Sure I won't stalk you down the street in my car (I don't have a car), or suck on your fingers at a restaurant, but I might decide you really want to hear about the funny obituary in the paper today or listen to an in-depth explication of the history of Japanese animation's influence on America or force you to listen to my Cockney rendition of Oklahoma. Is that normal? I could talk about sports, I guess.

I like people to be so enthusiastic about what they do that they sound like raving lunatics. I want people to express such outbursts of passion that other pedestrians want to avoid them on the sidewalk. I want people to eat other people with helpings of fava beans. That's not normal. But I'm normal. I'm 33, a librarian and I'm looking to meet people who change my definition of normal, which isn't too standard to begin with.
Let me know, oh and send a pic, make it normal.


Let's Get Lost
Spring is in the air and I'm as randy as a jackrabbit; I'm sure you're the same. So lets get together and rut like bunnies under the covers. We'll throw open the windows and let the neighbors envy our wild rompings and unrestrained cries. Let's throw over civilized development, revert to our pagan selves, and sacrifice our bodies on each other's altar. Our disappearance from polite society (and our jobs) will be the talk of the town and we won't resurface until May.
Otherwise, how about coffee or a beer?


People Are Dumb
Don't you agree? I mean, I'm not dumb; I'm sure you're not either. Most (not all) of my friends are pretty smart too. So why does it seem so hard to find smart people? I don't need you to rattle off PI to the 1000th digit or anything, or give me a discourse on macroeconomics; I just want someone who has a little more than usual rattling around inside their noodle. And I meet lots of people who, by virtue of their education, their employment record, etc. must be smart, yet when you socialize with them they're content talking about their favorite Seinfeld episode as if it was the latest thing. Doesn't this aggravate you?
So lets solve this problem. Let's get together and form our own little smart club and we won't have to talk to those people ever again. Who needs them anyhow! And that goes for the popular and pretty people too. Although I'm sure you're pretty and popular, and smart. I wouldn't want to imply otherwise.
Let's chat


Seeking Evil Genius
I'm not looking for a date, NSA sex, or even a long term relationship. No, I'm looking for something much better--unlimited power. But not for myself, for you. I don't want to rule the world; I want YOU to rule the world. Let me help you fulfill your nefarious plans to gain supremacy over all nations. I'll do it for free; I'll even do the dishes. All I ask is for a certain condescending, grudging respect for my contributions to your quest for domination. Every despot needs an assistant, a monkey wrench, a right hand man. I'm yours, free! And I'll taste your food for you in case someone tries to rub you out.
Send me a message, you have only your chains to lose, and the world to win. Am I right?
No reply without a photo; I mean, I know evil genius when I see it.


Seeking Peaceful Mind
SWM seeks restful spirit, active thought. I like books, beer, newspapers and crosswords, all types of movies, crazy conversations and morbid jokes. Also peanut butter. I am 33, 6', red haired, I have the traces of thinness about me.
You: Into similar things. But I also like being introduced to new things...marmalade perhaps. I like the enthusiastic but also appreciate the quiet. The cynical gaze, arched eyebrow and crooked smile always hook me. Senses of humor are hard to match, but very important to me as I need to laugh.
No reply without a picture, thanks!


Which ones are the best? Which are ones need tweaking?

Let me know.

~A

Opening day

Welcome to another anonymous blog on the web, a drop of water in the ocean, a grain of sand on the beach, one neuronal synapse in my brain. Essentially this will be a place for me to eviscerate and/or embarass myself, to work out my neuroses, and to annoy others through my obsessive compulsive self examinations. Sounds like fun right? That's the point.Thanks for stopping by.

~A