Ah Humility......

My underwear is on backwards again today. I wish I knew how this happens.


~A

Spelling Bee Results

I lost the Spelling Bee last night at Pete's. I don't always expect to win but two of the three words I got wrong last night were ones I think I should have gotten (The contest lets you get three wrong words before exiting the game). The first word barbicel, I spelled barbacelle. I can forgive myself that. But Pancetta I spelled Panchetta (d'oh!) and Viridity I spelled Veridity (after being read a sentence that mentioned the color green). I think I was tired. It definitely wasn't my A game.

Keeps me from getting a fat head though.


~A

Dating skills reach an all new low in America...

The proof? The apparent necessity of a news bit like this from MSN:

Playing it cool
How not to stalk your new beau

I wonder how many of us are stalkers without realizing it.

~A

The news today...

From CNN:

BTK killer: I made a decision to put 'em down
The BTK killer is not to be confused with the BK killer (flame Broil, Kill) or the KFC killer (Kill, fry, cook), two of the so-called "franchise" killers. BTK, unlike the others, is completely owned and operated by the individual.


From the NYTimes:

Paul Winchell, 82, TV Host and Film Voice of Pooh's Tigger, Dies
John Fiedler, 80, Stage Actor and Film Voice of Pooh's Piglet, Dies
Death has a sense of humor.

Wish me luck on the Spelling Bee tonight.....

~A

Weekends in NY

Do you think it mere coincidence that this weekend in the city featured the Mermaid Parade, the Gay Pride Parade (and all it's attendant celebrations), and the Billy Graham Crusade? Do you think they did this so the Evangelicals could have all their fun at the same time? Was someone hoping for a sex riot? (This might be fun to watch, but oh! the humanity).

At any rate, I have been able to see roving groups of both gay tourists and people on (literal) Jesus trips.

Despite the heat, that's why I love this place.

~A

but where's the drip?

Dads can suffer post-natal depression

What about post-nasal depression? I think that's what I have. But then again, I'm just a deviant septum anyway.

~A

More on the solar sailer

Or should it be solar sailor? From CNN:

'No regrets' over solar sail loss
Though their history-making endeavor has stalled, organizers of a bold attempt to fly the world's first solar sail spacecraft say they have no regrets and that future efforts will benefit from what they learned.

"We have no regrets over what happened," said Bruce Murray, a former director of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory who founded the group with Friedman and late astronomer Carl Sagan. "Frankly, we were all sick of the project. The mismanagement was so great we all knew it was a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm surprised it didn't explode on launch and sink that submarine. But then, I lost the betting pool too."

When asked what lessons might be learned from this failure Murray replied "Of course future efforts will definitely benefit from what we learned: don't bother; there's better things to spend a couple of billion dollars on. Like my pension account."

Project director Louis D. Friedman, a veteran of military and civilian space programs including NASA's Mariner, Voyager and Magellan projects was quoted as saying, "At least now we can get on with our lives instead of pretending we really believed in that piece of junk. I'm just glad I can hit the beach tomorrow instead of sitting around listening to a tin can beep in my headset. Sad? hell, no. I mean, it wasn't my money."



Oh brave new world......


~A

Again with the news....

Sheriff: Tiger, lion attack boy
Interspecies cooperation is always a thing to fear. Solution? Armed government response.

Saudi terrorist suspect 'killed' in Iraq
This is along the lines of Iraqi prisoners are "interrogated", the Koran at Guantanamo is treated with "respect" and George Bush is "President". In other similar Zagat headlines: Common virus 'kills cancer'

Three boys missing in New Jersey
Who is stealing all the boys of America?

Study: Soya threat to fertility
Take that you pesky Vegans. Soon you'll just be another endangered species.

~A

Tidbits

Scout found by volunteers after 4 days
Damn...I was really hoping it was a puma.

FBI: Runaway bride 'just wanted to disappear'
Well she did a really crap job of it didn't she? She wants to disappear, yet now she's on all the national talkshows. Talk about poor follow-through...

Solar sail spacecraft is missing
This is why NASA costs so much....

And more funny names in the obituaries:

Cardinal Jaime Sin, a Champion of the Poor in the Philippines, Is Dead at 76
He must have been a tough sell to the Vatican...


~A

from CNN:

Roy Horn checks into rehab center

Finally, Siegfried and Roy are seeking a cure for their tiger addiction. We should've known this day was coming ever since they threw over the relatively mild "orange tiger" strain for the ultra pure "white tiger".

~A

My latest CL adventures

Here is my latest post. I think I'm beginning to repeat myself. I haven't had any terribly new ideas lately at least.

I need someone goofy...

Do you chortle? Chuckle? Snort, hoot, guffaw? Maybe we'll get along. I like women who need to laugh, who maybe make up for a lack of elegance with a loose-limbed lope, who can't walk well in high heels but do just fine with soft soled sneakers. Someone who likes to slouch on a couch, kick back in a bar and sing in the shower. Someone who would rather get wet than carry an umbrella, who jumps in puddles. Someone gangly and gawdy, footloose.

Is this you? Or kinda like? I also like smarts but brains come in all shapes. A bit of sass doesn't hurt. As for me, well, I'm tallish, smartish, lots of other ishes (I do dishes, make wishes, swim with the fishes, eat knishes). I like books and words and meaningless trivia, daydreams and lazy days and crosswords.

A picture is appreciated.


In other CL news. Now that I'm back in town I've been on four dates. One of them reinforced a rule I swore I would never break (but keep getting lured into breaking): never go on a date without seeing a photo. I don't know why this ends up being tough to follow. Two others were nice people but not a good match for me. The fourth person was quite attractive and definitely interesting enough to date again. We'll see if if she thinks the same of me, maybe not. Experience has taught me that this is pretty much the expected average result.

~A

Funny dead people

There have been a few good names out of the obituaries lately. The fact that these people are now dead lends a certain extra humor.

In the past week:

Dr. Zoltan Ovary, 98, Dies; Broke Ground With Allergy Research

J.J. Pickle, 91, Texas Congressman, Dies

Malcolm Stamper, 80, Ex-Head of Boeing, Dies

And this last one is just funny on its own merits, not for the name:

Verne Meisner, Musician Who Championed the Polka, Dies at 66


I'm just glad people keep dying.

~A

A few items in the news...

A good day at CNN:

95-year-old man breaks 100-meter record

Notice they don't say the hundred meter what in the headline. Personally, I think they mean the hundred meter crawl...or perhaps the hundred meter wheeze...or even the hundred meter death throe; yeah, definitely that last one.


Boy Scout missing in Utah wilderness

Considering that this kid is eleven years old, I have only one thing to say....puma.


Police: Airborne car lands on sleeping man

Now the man is really sleeping. Turns out the driver was sleeping too. Everybody's sleeping; I'm sleeping as I type this. Can you tell?


100-mph winds batter North Dakota

Forecast for tomorrow: imminent deep frying, chance of spatters.


MORE NEWS
• Police shoot man in courthouse
• Defense rests in Mississippi trial

I think those two stories are connected....


You folks just sit back and relax, I'll do the reading for you.

~A

My neighbor....

My neighbor for the past two years has been one of those people you never really want to live next too. A little old lady who lived a decrepit existence and seemed a little off her rocker. I dreaded getting a knock on my door when she might ask me to help her with something like changing a light bulb. Luckily she had some family that would stop by once in awhile. Her apartment was in dreadful condition. Not absolutely filthy, but not taken care of and with the appearance of having been lived in for twenty years or more without being repainted or touched in anyway.

Anyhow, two weeks ago when I was moving back into this apartment after eight months away I ran into a medical supply guy delivering oxygen tanks to her. I think she's had this stuff around awhile. I asked the deliveryman how she was doing and he expressed frustration that she seemed completely incapable of following instructions to turn on the oxygen. But still I heard her moving around, maybe with people visiting, nothing seemed abnormal.

Then I went out of town for five days and just got back this afternoon. The first thing I noticed was a police sticker taped over the door jamb, never a good sign. Then there was an odd smell in the hallway and in my apartment, nothing outrageous. Besides which my apartment always smells a little off when I've been away and the windows are shut.

But a quick call to my landlord confirmed the thought. The old lady had died a couple of days ago (who knows how many exactly?) Apparently a relative called police and they broke their way in this morning and found the body.

It's a shame. But it was also clear two years ago that she shouldn't have been living alone. Am I sad? Not at all. If anything I am relieved. Maybe the new tenant will be cute, young and single. I can't pity too much. There are so many people who seem to be living sad, desolate, lonely lives. But these people should not be presumed to be powerless to change or control their situations. I will not presume to know the details of her life--whether she was happy or sad or whatever. Maybe her life was just right. Maybe not. There are many like her. The world is harsh.

~A

I won! I won!

Okay, I apologize for not posting in awhile. Though I have been out of town the last five days there really is no excuse. Not posting on a blog is like leaving a 2-year old in a sealed car on a hot day. It ends up not smelling too good. Along those lines, you probably already read the above post.

Last Monday I participated in a spelling bee. This is the second time I entered in this one at Pete's Candy store. Such things are becoming popular in the hipper parts of Brooklyn. And I won! I forgot what my last words were, one was along the lines of cochleariform. Nothing I knew, but some good guessing came in handy.

The prize was a $25 dollar bar tab that I used to buy myself my first mojitos.....those things are really good.

Anyway, I just thought I would announce my victory to the world.

~A

2 from CNN

It's been a good day...

Girl killed while trying to save turtle

Okay, sure this is sad and it's definitely every parent's worst nightmare...But what about the turtle? Is the turtle okay? I need to know.

And this is even more special:

Police: Body parts land in yard

The leg, with hip and spine attached, dented the shingled roof of her garage before bouncing into the lawn.

This I would like to see. A leg, with spine attached, dents a roof. While I can imagine what such a body part looks like, I can't imagine what such a body part looks like falling from the sky.

Another quote: "Peters said a Customs agent that met the flight at the airport found another leg hanging from the wheel well".

But where's the head. Until we find the head we won't have found the ringleader of this body part smuggling.

Lots of good reading.


~A

My latest CL post

I have no idea at all where I was going with this or who may respond. I seriously doubt anyone will.

I'm good at relationships...--33

I've been practicing. Here I'll show you:

Fat? You're not fat. You're beautiful...and not fat; did I say that already?. Gained weight? I haven't noticed anything. Are you sure? You must be hiding it. You look the same to me as you did when you were eighteen, only more beautiful...if that's possible. Of course it's possible, what am I saying! You know how much I like however much of you there is to like, the more the merrier. I don't care if you've gained weight. But you haven't gained weight. Hey, can I have your ice cream?

The dress? It's a great dress. Chartreuse is my favorite color...when it's on you. But you said you liked the chartreuse! Don't try on the blue, you liked the chartreuse. I think the blue is great. Blue is a great color. Blue on you looks better than blue on anybody else, better than blue on me. You should take all my blue clothes, I mean it. Wait, don't try the chartreuse on again. Of course I like the chartreuse. I've never said anything bad about chartreuse. If I did it would get offended and turn mauve. Much better than the blue...why, do you like the blue? And you haven't gained weight.

You have nothing in your teeth. I mean it. No. Well wait. Okay, maybe there's something there. No, I can hardly see it. It's not obvious, I had to look really close and only after you pointed it out. No one's staring at it. If people were going to stare at you why would they stare at a thing in your teeth that's hardly there? No, there's nothing else they would stare at either. What would they stare at? Your nose? I didn't meant that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your nose. I don't know what's in your teeth, a piece of lettuce? Maybe it's a stain. No not there, that's your gum. On the left. No, no, no, my left. Okay, maybe it is your left. There, you got it. What? Really, you got it, it's not there anymore. You don't trust me? You got it.

The chicken? It's great, I love chicken. It's cooked just right, a little pink on the inside, a little crispy on the outside. No, not too pink, just a little. No, that's good in chicken. What? I'm not afraid of salmonella, are you? I said I loved it. Well it's a little black, I mean you put it in a pan and turned on the heat right? A little blackness comes with the territory. I said I liked it alright? No I don't feel sick, do you feel sick? It can't be the chicken, it's perfect. Maybe it's the peas. I think the peas are fine! You did a good job on the peas. I just think, well, maybe peas can make you sick easier than chicken. I like peas. I'm not saying I don't like peas. Look! I ate my peas. No, I'm not hiding them under my chicken. I ate my chicken, where could I hide them? If you're going to be like this then I 'm sorry you made the chicken too....and the peas. But I liked the chicken...I liked the peas too! What did I say?

See? I've got this relationship thing down pat.

Send a pic and let's talk. Unless you found this really offensive; then you can send me a rant. I look forward to it.

~A

PS. Please tell me if I am insane.

Edit: I first posted this accidentally to Women Seeking Men. And I got a bunch of reponses! That scares me.

The downside to Police Surveillance

From the NYTimes:

In Video, Officer Runs as Partner Is Shot, Police Say

A surveillance video shows that the partner of a police officer who was shot three times during a car stop last week in Brooklyn ran away and, for several minutes, failed to help the wounded officer, a police official said yesterday.


Yeah, it's a case of a snaking biting it's own ass.


~A

From CNN

Researchers: Dolphins found using tools

Government prepares armed response.

Donald Rumsfield, Secretery of Defense, was quoted as saying "tool using dolphins are an immediate and pressing threat to national security. We cannot allow any other species, let alone frolicsome, ocean-living mammals lacking opposable thumbs, to get ahead of us. Today tool use, tomorrow it's a sure bet they'll have WMDs. "

We have seen this before. I ask you to imagine the terrible future in store, something along the lines of "Beyond the Planet of the Dolphins". The future frightens me.

~A

from 1010Wins

Good Samaritan Drowns Off Rockaways

This is yet another example of what is coming to be seen as a rising tide of crimes involving so-called "Samaritans". Long seen as destabilizing elements in society, good Samaritans have begun forming loose knit groups or "gangs", engaging in turf wars, and seeking out illicit businesses for earning money (such as extorting "protection" money), all in the name of "helping people". A spokesman for the Brownsville Samaritans, one of the more notorious arrgregations of such do-gooders, was quoted as saying "We believe in the good word, i.e., God helps those who help themselves. So we're helping ourselves all over the place and if you stand in our way, we'll cap your ass." The spokesman wished to remain anonymous. The drowning yesterday, allegedly stemming from an attempt to "help" a swimmer, follows on last week's death of a Manhattan Samaritan who was hit by car while reportedly "saving" a pedestrian. The pedestrian refused to be interviewed, a typical pattern as Samaritans are reportedly intimidating witnesses. Police are still seeking the driver of the vehicle.

Police report a particular turf war tactic apparently rising in popularity as well. Coined the "Tar Baby" tactic, as in "Dude, they went all tar baby on your ass" the practice involves a gang member posing as a person in need to entrap Samaritans of other gangs.

~A


PS. What well-known, or perhaps really obscure, comic character's favorite sidearm was named The Samaritan? I actually forget the answer to this question, someone will have to tell me.

I found out the answer to this myself actually. The answer wasn't as obscure as I had hoped.

My last night dream

As I mentioned in the post below, I have spent the last two nights sleeping on my couch. I like doing this. Besides, I need to wash all my sheets befor sleeping on my bed again.

But perhaps because of this, I had the strangest dream last night.

It was a serial dream, one in which the same situation plays out again and again, each with a variation, some episodes taking place in the same locale but being about something else.

The dream centered on two things. A) I found out I could fly and B)The world was ending.

Let me discuss the end of the world first. In the first few iterations, the end of the worldstarted with a storm. Terrible wind, rain, rising water, and finally a deluge, a tidal wave, a hurricane. A rising intensity of water and wind until the two seemed the same and up and down lost distinction.

In some of these iterations I died. In some I seemed to survive, or at least the episode ended ambiguously. In either case it involved me flying. It seemed that with the rising wind and approaching storm anyone outside was increasingly pummeled by the wind and flying debris. Amidst this I left the ground. And then discovered I could control my direction even though I was in many ways at the mercy of the wind. This was quite dangerous. Entire trees were flying through the air and it was quite possible to be caught by a gust and smashed into a building. I found though that through concentration, I could fight against the wind. It was very difficult too, but by focusing very hard, I could soar higher and higher. It took all my strength to do this, and by focusing too much on altitude I opened myself to the danger of getting hit by debris.In one iteration of the dream though I also discovered, again at the price of extreme concentration, that while flying I could extend a sort of psychokinetic force field around myself which would deflect the flying trees and people. I could envision my path through the air and clear it of debris ahead of me. Very thrilling indeed. If only it didn't involve the end of the world. As I said, some episodes ended with me seeming to rise above the worst of the storm. In other variations I seemed to fight and fight against the storm only to get engulfed.

But this was only some of the scenarios of the end of the world.There was one where an invading army (foreigners, aliens) simply took over, started deporting people, erecting camps, and simply engaging in mass slaughter. I remember particularly looking out over the ocean and watching jumbo jets filled with people intentionally crashing into the ocean. The planes descended gracefully in a long line, like a major flight path at JFK. One after another into the ocean.

In some of these episodes I was with my friends and many, many other people, seeking refuge, watching the ongoing events from a series of rooftops in a neighborhood not unlike Greenpoint. I remember my ex-wife in some of these instances. I remember her as getting destroyed as everyone else. You can imagine that the overarching mood was very dark, worried, yet with an air of inevitability. It was never clear if people understood actually what was going on, how it would end.

In one episode the end of the world was accomplished by giants, maybe giant robots, but I think they were merely giant people. I mean these people were miles high. Nothing to sneeze at.

At any rate there were other episodes that occurred in these same buildings but didn't focus on the end of the world. There was a sense of danger and lawlessness present. A sense of searching. There were bits about a subway and going from one place to another, very typical of my subway dreams, these seemed to occur just before the end of the world episodes. And finally the last episode was concerned with merely hanging out, relaxing, at a hotel. Yet there was something dark on the horizon. We seemed to be waiting.

I know this must all be tedious to read but I wanted to set it down. I should mention that this ties closely into the very first flying dream I ever had, somewhere around the age of 6. It involved a torndao.

~A

Where I am

I am back in Brooklyn after eight dreadful months in New Haven, CT. Most of he porblems there were with me, where I am in my life, the fact that I left most of my personal beliongings in NY, not having a car in a small car where you need one. But Yale and the job itself certainly played their part in my dissatisfaction.

But no more! I am back in my place as of Thursday. I walked in, surveyed all my stuff and sang a little song to me. It went something like this:

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, all mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine

You can just feel the joy in that spontaneous lyric. Today is Satgurday. I have spent the last two nights sleeping on MY couch. Mainly because all my linens need to be cleaned...and because I like MY couch. But tonight I shall sleep in MY bed after spending eight months on an air mattress (which was quite comfortable itself until the four month mark when it started springing an endless series of leaks. This last month I simply gave up trying to patch and inflate it and essentially spent my nights on a hardwodd floor.) I will also unpack all MY stuff and revel in MY space.

Doesn;t this sound a little neurotic? It's not, simply an expression of shear glee. I'll let you know when I crash.

~A